Nighttime Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's leading comedians used the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas tune targeting the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new program that allows overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to rich foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll numbers amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.